Kraft Stank Cologne Offered in the Ozarks
FairCityNews.com | Mar 31, 2011 | Comments 0
Bottled stank available soon
Springfield, MO—The smelly, nasty cheese stank that rolls out of the Kraft plant on Glenstone Avenue will soon be available as a fragrance for people who wish to spray themselves with memories of the Ozarks.
The new bottled scent called “Eau de Cheese” goes on sale at local gas stations next month. Made of essential oils, alcohol and leftover cheese the unisex perfume is first captured as a gas emitted out the roof of the plant, cooled in a pipe and is collected in reservoirs for further processing and bottling.
Herman Jonses, the man who came up with the idea said, “I’ve lived across from the plant for years and you can always tell when they are making a new batch of cheese ‘cause it comes right over the street and into my house.” Jonses claimed that several former neighbors who once lived near him would appreciate the aromatic reminder of their old block.
“Jonses sent me this bottle that reeked of something awful, when I opened the package it hit me and I knew exactly what it was. Kraft. That SOB done bottled it up and sent it to me, I appreciate that,” said former neighbor, Louis Nellifind.
If the cologne sales increase an entire line of body washes could become available. “I see men’s skin care, body lotions and after shave as real possibilities in the future, if the market wants it,” said Jonses, “of course, Kraft has no idea that I’m making this stuff.”
Filed Under: Living
