Hammons Found Frozen in Carbonite

John Q found frozen in carbonite

Springfield, MO—Community leaders are happy to announce that they have located John Q Hammons frozen in a block of carbonite. Previously, Hammons was feared to be imprisoned in involuntary seclusion at a Springfield nursing home by the current CEO of his company. “Fortunately, we found him in carbonite down by the Jordan River,” said a passerby who was checking out the toxic diesel spring near downtown Springfield.

For several weeks Hammons was feared to be a victim of legal and political red tape, confined to a small room against his wishes. “Wow, what a relief!” said Shirley Templtonish, “I was so worried about him, but now that he’s been found they can simply heat him up and he’ll be back to normal.”

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Police are not saying much about the hotel magnate and how he became encased in carbon, yet they claim to have several persons of interest, some of whom were owed money by Hammons.

The rescue of Hammons has put many local minds at ease now that his safety has been secured. SGFers are now free to worry about their own lives.