Mayo-44 Named for Miracle Whiplash Crash

Interstate 44 renamed MAYO-44

Springfield, MO—Following the great mayonnaise truck wreck on I-44, city officials have decreed that the stretch of road coated in the thick, creamy substance be renamed Mayo-44 to honor the one-in-a-million miracle whiplash crash.

“Not only did the driver walk away unharmed but the entire interstate was covered in God’s snot, mayonnaise,” said Missouri Highway Patrol Officer Sandy Crust, “It was a hell of a slip n slide for a few hours until we got it cleaned up.”

According to reports, the driver lost control and spilt his load all over the freeway. “I was behind the truck and this creamy thick shit hit my car. I was all ‘what the hell just hit my windshield?’ I was ready to beat some ass, then I saw the packages of Mayo headed for Subway all over the road, and I breathed a sigh of relief,” said Jack Manger of Boliver, MO.

Due to the loss, the FDA has indicated that consumers should expect higher Mayo prices this summer and tensions are looming due to the reported Mayo shortages. Local lard-asses have shown specific concern over the loss and are planning a rescue/recovery operation to suck up any remaining mayonnaise before it is lost.

“I couldn’t have predicted that we’d have 3-6 inches of mayonnaise accumulation on our streets,” said local KDEB meteorologist, Storm Arisin. In a related note, the Springfield Chapter of BLT Lovers Anonymous will be meeting on I-44 this week.

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