Springfield Again Warm After Slaying White Witch
FairCityNews.com | Feb 14, 2011 | Comments 0
Springfield, MO- Frigid temperatures and constant snowfall are no longer a problem thanks to Springfield citizens slaying the White Witch.
The White Witch, who resides in her dark castle at 1366 Cedar Way, has been plaguing the Ozarks with blizzards, icy temperatures, and horrible road conditions since late January. No one knows the source of her dark powers, but many speculate it is due to her connection to other famed witches as Abigal Williams, Harry Potter, Elphaba, and Martha Stewart.
“We just all fed up with it,” explains Josh Lowenstein. “We knew that as long as we are under her power my kids were never going to make it to school. I work at home, I can’t have those brats home all day pretending my stapler was a laser blaster and my computer was Pokedex.” An angry mob, armed with torches and pitchforks, broke into the witch’s house, tied her to a stake, burned her alive, fed her to a lion at the local zoo, then dropped a house on the lion, just to be sure.
“Sure, we would love to have an epic battle with prophesied heroes and various mythical creatures. But, who has time for all that? We just broke into her house and killed her,” said mob leader Karl Shepburn.
Now that the evil temptress has been vanquished Springfieldians can enjoy warmer temperatures, going to picnics, and seeing grass.
Filed Under: Weather