79 Spartans Vote to Victory!
FairCityNews.com | Feb 09, 2011 | Comments 0
This is Sparta, MO!
Sparta, MO—Spartan voters approved issuing $2.5 million in bonds for improvements to the water and sewer system in Sparta this past week. The new water and sewer system will include a bottomless pit for sewer waste that shall remain uncovered and reside within the center of the city. Only scantily clad Spartan warriors will stand watch over the 40’ wide entrance to hell.
Unofficial results show 79 yes votes to 39 no votes. An opponent of the measure Ken Ulimont said, “This is blasphemy! This is madness!” However, according to the water superintendent the city’s water tower isn’t big enough to continue to supply the area. The money from the sale of the bonds will pay for a new 300,000 gallon water tower, three times the capacity of Sparta’s current tower.
The Mayor of Sparta released a statement for all citizens saying, “A new age has begun. An age of freedom, and all will know, that 79 Spartans gave their vote to defend it! Spartans! Ready your breakfast and eat hearty… For tonight, we drink and defecate in hell!
Anna Gentry, a long time resident of the town said, “It is not a question of what a Spartan citizen should do, nor a husband, nor a king. Instead, ask yourself, what should a free man vote for?” Supporters of the improvement painted signs, sent email messages and even phoned voters to spread the “Give them nothing! But take from them everything!” campaign message to help usher in the water and sewer system.
To celebrate the passage, a huge hootenanny is planned for tonight on the outskirts of Sparta. “Unless I miss my guess,” said Gentry, “we’re in for one wild night.”
Remember this day, Sparta, for it will be yours for all time.
Filed Under: Politics
