Brown Derby Actually Black

It's a brownish-black type of derby, y'know?

Springfield, MO—According to sources, the Brown Derby is actually black. Brown Derby, one of America’s 10 Best Retailers according to Liquor Store Magazine, is recognized as the Ozarks leading provider of spirits, wines and confusing combinations of logo colors and names.

Since 1937, the store has featured a black line drawing as the store’s leading icon. “Back in ’37, we were ahead of our time in fact, brown has just become a color and wasn’t widely available as an ink so we just went with a black logo for our Brown Derby stores. Besides, most people in the dirty thirties were color blind from the depression and dust bowl and didn’t really care,” said Brown Derby historian Britchard Newsome.

The Brown Derby sign features a man wearing a black hat and an impressive moustache on a field of yellow, there is no brown in it whatsoever. The only way to interpret the Brown Derby as being brown is if you presuppose that a mustachioed man wearing a brown derby hat had cast a shadow and an artist captured the image as it was cast against a wall.

“Green derby, brown derby who gives a shat? Just give me my AmberBock,” said Jerry Flinton, a regular consumer and possessor of general apathy towards color distinction.

Advertising student Lans Hurley said, “I always suspected that the color spectrum of black and gold was selected as it was an easy two color logo that would stand out to potential customers.” Hurley was suddenly and fantastically beaten for his astute point of view.

As of press time, Brown Derby sources confirmed that they were,in fact, in the process of changing over their black logo to a nice shade of brown. “It seems that we have been misleading some of our less educated consumers. Why I heard of a lad who drove past our store several times looking for a brown and not black derby location. We’re here to clear the air and proclaim that we are not opposed to using the color in our name as the color of our logo,” said Schnidely Mashito, a general manager of stocking things onto shelves.

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