It Burns When You Learn at UTI

Urinary tract infection or Universal Technical Institute?

Springfield, MO—Universal Technical Institute, a system of technical schools specializing in automotive repairs, was recently surprised to learn that its abbreviation also refers to urinary tract infections. Officials at UTI were confused by a sudden rash of questions after airing television commercials for the school here in the Ozarks.

“We were curious why people were calling in to discuss burning sensations they were experiencing when they peed,” said admission counselor Daniel Perkins. “The first five calls about urinary tract infections were…disturbing, but after answering a hundred we just wanted to help them.” To advise those asking for assistance, Perkins noted that he and his coworkers turned to Wikipedia and pamphlets a coworker brought in from a local clinic. “Basically, we’ve just been telling people to drink a lot of cranberry juice.”

Administrators believe their new advertising campaign for the school, featuring frequent commercials aired on Springfield stations, has played a role in the uptick of questions they received. “Looking back, deciding to make our website address UTI.edu was probably not a great idea,” said marketing director Ruth Rutter, “but it has given us the opportunity to clear up some misunderstandings about our school. Namely that our school color is yellow and that our campus smells whenever we serve asparagus in the cafeteria.”

In spite of the confusion, the spirits of the student body have not been dampened.  School officials recently sent all enrolled students an email requesting, for the time being, that they refrain from exclaiming “We’re Number One!” in association with the school.

Rutter was quick to note the experience had a silver lining. “In asking STD Flea Markets in Springfield how they’ve handled their poor naming, we were able to establish a friendly connection with a local business. Unfortunately, F.A.G. Bearings in Joplin won’t return our calls.”

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