YMCA Discourages “Butthole-Stamping” in Locker Room

Saggy old men will be restricted from butthole -stamping under the new regulations

Springfield, MO—Located on the South side of town, the Pat Jones Family YMCA has instituted a 10-minute maximum of naked time in the men’s locker room to improve hygiene, reduce awkward naked conversations, prevent unsightly surprise sightings of ancient arse complemented with a side of gray-haired wrinkle sacks and limit butthole-stamping on locker room equipment.

The new rule will require all men to wrap themselves with a towel in main traffic areas and show some signs of modesty and decorum within ten minutes of being naked. Said one patron, Jim Bysept, ”the Y’s locker room is the only place where it is acceptable for a naked old man to approach you and start a conversation. That doesn’t mean it is acceptable to sit naked on the furniture leaving an imprint of your chocolate starfish.”

While the new code was initiated to prevent naked butthole-stamping of the locker room benches it has also paved the way to limit naked 75-year-old men from wandering around the room flopping their manhood while singing “Dust In the Wind”.

The YMCA confirmed that most of the affected patrons are 55 plus years in age and are habitual birthday suit abusers. While not against basic nudity in a locker room setting, the Y reports fielding several member complaints requesting that the hordes of really old dudes with old flopping balls be culled.

Butthole-stamping has reportedly decreased 76% since the new regulations have gone into place last week. However, awkward naked conversations and unsightly ball flopping is still being reported.

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