Neighbor Chokes Man’s Chicken

Man's chicken choked due to new city ordinance

Springfield, MO— Apparently it isn’t just City Council who is evenly divided over the decision allowing up to six chickens to be boarded in the city limits. Residents of the affluent Highland Springs Country Club gated community watched in horror late yesterday as two of their own residents, 34-year-old Reginald “Reggie” Waddlesworth, a prominent stay-at-home-dad, and  Lionel Biggerstaff, a-53-year-old multi-level marketing guru,  got physical — apparently the direct result of the recently passed fowl ordinance.

FCN has learned the two neighbors got in a scuffle after Biggerstaff saw Waddlesworth in his driveway unloading an enormous roll of chicken wire and 10’ fencing posts from the trunk of his Lexus.  Onlookers say all was well until Biggerstaff heard some muffled clucking coming from the backseat of the luxury car, walked over to investigate and pecked on the glass.

From across the street, Sally Fitzwhiter was pulling a pan of bake-sale goodies from the double-range, heard the commotion, and summoned authorities. “Wow, I have never seen anything quite like it,” Fitzwhiter exclaimed, “Lionel started choking Reggie’s chicken with both hands…it was, well, awful.”

As news of the chicken-choking incident spread, the five Council members favoring the ordinance expressed dismay and encouraged residents to avoid choking each other’s chickens. One was overhead saying, “This is as discouraging cock fighting.” The incident has local animal rights activists fuming and already petitioning City Council to pass an ordinance banning citizens from spanking their monkeys.

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