Giant Motionless Robot Attacks!

Large motionless robot looms over the Ozarks

Springfield, MO—At twenty minutes before eight, central time, Professor Farrell of the Missouri State University Observatory, reported observing several explosions of incandescent gas, occurring at regular intervals on the planet Mars. Moments later a large, mostly immobile Martian robot was seen hovering over Jordan Valley Park. The expressionless metallic invader stuck fear into nearby park goers, momentarily.

“I was eating a sandwich with my gal at the park when we were overshadowed by this ominous attack robot…only, it wasn’t attacking. In fact, it could barely move. We got out of there fast,” said Newton Hugler, a first-hand witness. According to reports a child was seen ambling towards the creature and begun to twist a wheel at the monster robots base. “I was terrified for the kid, when he started twisting the wheel the hellish robot flexed its joints, but couldn’t really make any progress. Then I wasn’t so worried,” said a nearby observer Helen Montja.

Local authorities had asked the governor of Missouri to place Greene County under martial law and were planning to prevent anyone access to this area except by special pass issued by state or military authorities. In fact, four companies of state militia were proceeding from Ft. Leonard Wood to Springfield, to aid in the evacuation of homes and businesses, but all efforts have been halted considering the robotic invader is mostly motionless.

General John K. Hashburg said, “We have secured the area. The robot doesn’t seem to be posing any threat to the general public. Unless a strong wind blows or a child turns its gears putting it into limited stages of animation, it pretty much just stands there. And for Pete’s sake someone turn off those tornado sirens they are killing me!”

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