Man Finds Fecal Landmine in Backyard

Bomb squad experts analyze "dirty turd" bomb

Springfield, MO—A local man found an explosive landmine in his backyard while mowing his lawn this past weekend. Justin Humble, of southern Springfield, claimed he hit the thin dog dirt grenade with his riding lawnmower, but didn’t realize it until several feet later.

“Yeah, it was a minute before the effects took hold, I could see the shrapnel stuck in my mower’s tire on the front right side. It was an awful stench of death that nearly knocked me off the rider,” said Humble.

Humble reported that his family has been weeping since he located the fresh dog egg with his John Deere in his suburban lawn. In fact, his entire neighborhood has felt the effects.

Mrs. Jill Jorbert, a retired trash collector confessed, “I was afraid to come out of my home all day. What with the excessive heat I feared that my nasal cavity would be severely punished if I attempted to tend to my garden.”  The fire marshal told nearby homeowners to stay locked up until the coil shaped explosive had dissipated.

Both the Springfield Fire Department and Police were at the scene until a unit from Fort Leonard Wood arrived Saturday afternoon. Military officer observed the damn dirty device for several minutes but could not determine what species of canine would have caused the sulphur mushroom cloud.

“We have to treat every item as if it is real because there’s that one chance you treat it that it’s not, and it explodes on your leg. It’s just not worth the risk,” said one bomb squad member. Moments after speaking that bomb squad member attempted to protect the other officers by tackling Humpble to the ground having claiming to see some crapnal on the man’s knee.

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