Local Man Has Had It

This man has HAD it

Springfield, MO – Local zookeeper Adam Wilkins has just about had it, he reported late yesterday. Apparently the pecking order of employees comes at a cost that Mr. Wilkins is no longer prepared to tolerate.

“For 11 long years, I’ve lovingly maintained the reptile house, risking my life on several occasions in order to feed the snakes and all those other slimy things we keep in there. And for 10 years and 11 months I’ve had a request to be reassigned to somewhere with a shred of respectability. Somewhere like the elephant house; hell, at this point, I’d tolerate the monkeys flinging their poo at me. But I ain’t doing snakes no more. No more.”

For most of those 11 years, Mr. Wilkins’ unspoken resentment has done little to curry favor with either zoo patrons or fellow employees. He’s constantly referred to as “that creepy guy with a snake around his neck” and even his own supervisor had a bit of trouble conjuring up his name when asked. “Yeah, Adam, that’s it. I’m pretty sure he works here. I dunno….somehow the snakes and spiders get fed, so really, I’m good with it.”

When asked how the Springfield Zoo would “get along” without their star reptile house employee, should he make good on his threat to not take it any more, the supervisor said “I guess we’d hire someone else to throw rats in cages.

Somehow, we’d survive. Yes, I’m sure we’d make it. What was his name again?” “Do you see what I’m up against? DO YOU?” demanded Mr. Smee when told of his supervisors remarks. He abruptly ended the interview by ceremoniously tossing a snake at the interviewer, vowing to “teach those filthy ingrates a lesson.”

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