Bijan’s Closing = Heartache, End to Pronunciation Debate

Most Ozarkers unsure how to pronounce closed restaurant's name

Springfield, MO—A Facebook post, tweet, e-mail news release, sky writing, and drunk-text from 417 Magazine confirmed late today that local eatery Bijan’s is closed for good. Local eater of food Shantal Johnson told us, through tears of shock, “I never actually ate there, but my boyfriend and I loved arguing over whether it was “Bee-Janns” or “Bi-Jawns” and I’m totally going to miss that.”

Even (former) employees (who used to work there) rarely spoke its name, instead referring to the Ozarks dining staple (which is CLOSED, people!) with near-Macbeth-level reverence as “the place where I work” or “you know, that expensive restaurant on Walnut.”

Adding to the confusion was a “closed for plumbing” sign hung on the front door and a report of owners not able to afford a liquor license. It seems this local pronunciation mystery will forever go unsolved, unless 417 includes a phonetic guide in tomorrow’s billboard obituary.

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