Naked Cooling Center at Ice Park

A zamboni cleans the ice before the "Naked-Ice Cooling Center" opens

Springfield, MO—Mediacom Ice Park opened to the general public today as a cooling center due to the heat advisory in Southwest Missouri. Those wishing to take advantage of the cooler temperatures were encouraged to strip off their clothing and sit on the freshly Zambonied ice rink.

Hundreds of people showed up to take advantage of the generous offer from the parks department; City Utilities even offered free bus rides. Hank Michene, the event organizer said, “the cumulative effects of heat and humidity can result in conditions which can lead to heat related illnesses, so we wanted to offer a place for people to totally cool themselves. Hence the Naked-Ice Cooling Center.”

Earl Freeburg, 82 of Springfield, said, “I dropped my trousers and immediately felt better. I’d never been in my birthday suit on ice before. It felt pretty damn good.” Onlookers said at first they expected a frigid playboy-like atmosphere with beautiful naked women skating with grace and poise. The found naked hillbillies, sagging skin and hairy backs.

“Oh, I’d say I was disappointed,” said Chris Timmerton, a sophomore at Missouri State University, “there were no totally nude knockouts on the ice but I did get to see an old man dip his nuts into a cooler of ice. Can’t say I’d ever hoped to see that in my lifetime.”

Overall, everyone seeking to avoid the heat enjoyed the experience. “I’m glad that the city came up with this great idea,” exclaimed Freeburg, while rubbing ice shavings into his armpits. Michane said, “we encourage everyone to drink plenty of fluids, stay in an air-conditioned room, stay out of the sun and check up on relatives and neighbors. If they need to cool down, get naked and get their butts on ice.

Non-naked cooling centers can be found at the American Red Cross at 1545 N West Bypass, YMCA at 1901 E Republic, and YMCA 417 S Jefferson.

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