Archive for May, 2010
Body Hair Competition This Weekend
Springfield, MO—The first ever Body Hair Competition will be held at Patton Alley Pub immediately after the first ever Springfield Beard and Moustache Competition at 6:30 pm, here in the Ozarks. The Body Hair Competition was created for contestants who are not equipped with enough facial hair to compete in the headlining event. Body Hair […]
New Ziggie’s Opens in Basement
Springfield, MO—According to sources, a new Ziggie’s restaurant has opened in the basement of Randolph Heckerson’s home at 2348 S. Tucker. The new location will feature the same trademark menu and atmosphere as existing restaurants currently in operation around the Ozarks. According to Heckerson he found the business after returning home from work as an […]
XXL Shirtle Wreck
Webster County, MO—After overturning, a t-shirt toting tractor-trailer spilled its load on Interstate 44 blocking the westbound lanes with garments imprinted with witty phrases emblazoned in a variety of interesting and hard-to-read fonts. The Missouri Department of Transportation reported finding thousands of shirts with messages proclaiming, “That’s What She Said”, “What Wouldn’t Jesus Do?” and […]
Uproar Over Take on Arthurian Legend at Gillioz Theatre
Springfield, MO—The Greene County chapter of Druids for Arthurian Accuracy and Pretend Sword Fighting have forced a local production/reworking of the Sword in the Stone tale to retitle and rewrite the play. OTC, in conjunction with The Gillioz Theatre, was scheduled to present Misty Unger’s “Arthur’s Bedsores, Merlin’s Piles” Elder Neglect in Dark Age Nursing […]
Dickens Cider Comes To Friday Farmer’s Market
Springfield, MO—Rumor has it that the Friday Farmer’s Market in downtown Springfield is about to get bigger and tastier with addition of a legendary local favorite — Dickens Cider. The Dickens Cider family recipe has been handed down for generations and has recently gained popularity with locals for its apparent health benefit. Speaking on condition […]
Snake Oil – May
See more at Snake Oil.
Stone County Tornado Caller
Abesville, MO—Emergency management executives in Stone County will soon hire a Tornado Caller once the aging, expensive-to-maintain tornado/storm sirens are removed June 1st. The county says the existing sirens are too expensive to maintain and “having Ol’ Lou make the rounds in his pick ‘em up truck a hollerin’ a folks” will be much more […]
Brees Completes Speech with 98.4% QB Rating
Springfield, MO—Drew Brees recently spoke at the 14th Annual Steak & Steak Dinner to benefit the Boys & Girls Clubs of Springfield and completed an astonishing 70.6% of his speech with remarkable accuracy. The Super Bowl MVP set a franchise record for speaking in front of people eating steak while raising money for charity. The […]
Woodruff, McDaniel Buildings Sold To History Channel
Springfield, MO—The Woodruff and McDaniel buildings on Park Central East have been sold to the History Channel to be featured on a future episode of Life After People. A History Channel representative said filming will begin once the buildings start to show signs of visible decline, which should be soon since the utilities have been […]
Rogue Trees Get Payback
Springfield, MO—During the month of April, local trees claimed to pay back Springfieldians with potential lifetime benefits, however, several trees on the Drury campus had another message for locals. “This tree hasn’t done anything for us lately” and “This tree was kind of a dick to us in high school” messaging was found hanging on […]
Local Man Offers City $3 For Vacant Lot
Springfield, MO – Floyd Harvill is making the City of Springfield an offer that he claims would be “irresponsible to refuse.” With the City recently taking back the much-hyped vacant lot after negotiations with local hotelier Johnny Q. Hammons failed, Harvill thought it was a good time to act. “Fortune favors the bold, and lightning […]
ROTFLMAO Laughing Yoga Studio Opens Soon
Springfield, MO—Laughter yoga classes will be offered next month at ROTFLMAO located in the Glen Isle Shopping Plaza on South Glenstone avenue. Laughter yoga or laughter therapy promises to relieve stress and strengthen the immune system through strange body movements and hysterical fake laughing. Combining the art of yoga with the element of laughter is […]
Cute Girl Wants You to Stop Staring
Springfield, MO – Fed up with guys ogling her as she tries to study in Meyer Library at Missouri State University, the cute girl has had enough. In statements made today, the cute girl has publicly denounced guys that creepily stare at her. “I’m sorry, but it’s just weird whenever I look up from my […]
City Considers Urban Cockfighting to Boost Economy
Springfield, MO—The city’s planning department is considering creation of an ordinance allowing Springfield residents to keep fighting roosters to boost the economy. Backyard gamecock ownership is a worldwide trend that the City plans to capitalize upon. Citizens are invited to attend the American Gamefowl Society meeting to gather public comment on raising cocks tonight at […]
