Archive for April, 2010
Lambert’s Roll Breaks Sound Barrier, Injures Thief
Ozark, MO—According to reports, the role thrower at Lambert’s Café at Hwy 14 and Hwy 65 threw a hot roll that surpassed the barrier of sound Thursday night. Customers eating their hog jowl, fried okra and liver were alarmed by the sound of a doughy ball of carbohydrates exploding past the sound barrier throughout the […]
Depends Offered at Branson Zipline
Branson, MO—Zipping thru the trees on a zipline has a new benefit this month: free adult diapers to the first 200 customers. According to sources at Branson Zipline and Canopy Tours, every person whizzing through the air, hundreds of feet above the ground will be given a free pair of Depend Adult Diapers. “Our customers […]
Billboard Doctors Smoke Regularly
Springfield, MO—A new billboard in town features doctors and nurses wearing gowns, scrubs and coats and proclaims “We’re regular smokers”. The medical community is frustrated by the advertisement suggesting that doctors and nurses endorse smoking. Nurse Katie Whoah crushed a butt into the ground with her foot and said, “that’s just ridiculous, the medical community […]
April Horoscopes
Fair City News is proud to present monthly horoscopes to help readers navigate life’s hills and valleys.
New Signs Promote New Sign Locations
Springfield, MO—City officials hope that new signs located around town will better inform citizens on the best place to find new signs. Originally meant to point tourists to locations such as Bass Pro Shops, Battlefield Mall and Commercial Street, the new wayfarer signs will instead point to new sign locations. “We were so proud of […]
