Greene County Emergency Services Readies for Worldwide Boobquake Hysteria

Boobquake epicenters identified

By Snawt T. Buble
Springfield, MO—Preparing for the worst but hoping for the best, Greene County Emergency Management (GCEM) personnel are taking no chances as the world readies for the possibility of an enormous boobquake. Predicted by an Iranian cleric and amateur seismologist Sedighi, boobquakes are known to happen when women show too much cleavage.

Local boobologist Billy Joe Teatman from rural Ebenezer, reacted by saying “I think Sedighi’s science and data are very suspect. Over the years, I have observed countless boobs in various states of motion and the vast majority only metaphorically moved the earth under my feet.” He went on, “Granted most of my research is anecdotal but to even think that obliquely snatching a peek will cause a cataclysm, is simply little more than fear-mongering.”

Still, Greene County Emergency Management are taking no chances and will have a command post ready, as one GCEM staffer told FNC, “…to keep abreast of things.” The spokesperson went on, “We will use our storm spotters who are already trained in recognizing gross exaggerations to be on the lookout for even the slightest boob anomaly.” The spokesman concluded by saying, “We may get a break due to the unseasonably cold weather forecast for today leaving us in a much better position to get a lot of great tips from our spotters.”   

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