Bottle Rocket War in Nixa This Year!

Local Nixa resident celebrates the passage of bottle rocket wars

Nixa, MO—Monday night, the Nixa Board of Alderman unanimously voted for an awesome bottle rocket war in their city. Venders are allowed to continue to sell the small sky rockets guided by the mouth of a bottle.

Usually considered a unique hazard, due to their ability to fly in many different directions other than vertically,  “bottle rockets provide an awesome way to celebrate the independence of our nation,” said new Nixa mayor Sam Clifton, “plus nothing is more awesome than a bottle rocket war!” he added.

While bottle rockets are illegal in several states they are cheap and easy to obtain. Police Chief James Bacon spoke at Monday’s meeting, saying last 4th of July weekend his department responded to more than 300 complaint calls of people setting fireworks off in the city. “If fireworks are legal, we won’t have to waste tax payer money on these stick-in-the-muds calling us all the time,” said a police representative.

Teenage kids and adult males are thrilled. “I can’t wait to teach my boy how to hold a bottle rocket in his hand, light it then toss it at the appropriate time, hurdling it towards one his friends’ head! This is awesome!,” said Matt Lowery, an overgrown kid living in Christian County.

The City of Nixa website posted a press release stating, ”we’re happy to have an awesome celebration of the Fourth of July in our city.  We will bottle rocket the hell out of any outsider who dares set foot in our town between 2:00 p.m. to 11 p.m. on the 4th of July and 2:00 p.m. to 12:30 a.m. on New Year’s Eve. – yeeehaw!”

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