Archive for March, 2010
Google’s Fiber Could Make Springfield Go 100x Faster
Springfield, MO—Local government officials have unanimously approved a resolution to support the city’s participation in the Google Fiber Communities project to increase “download regularity”. “Chronic web constipation is a problem I face everyday. Getting stopped up while downloading a movie is something I just can’t stomach,” said Joey Saddle, sophomore at Missouri State University. According […]
Developer to De-Booger Hickory Hills for Retail Space
Springfield, MO—A buyer has purchased the former Hickory Hills School and plans to turn it into retail space after a strong de-boogering effort cleans the building. Built in 1951, the structure at 3429 E. Chestnut Expressway has been exposed to nostril snot hiding for nearly sixty years. “You never know where a wad of slimy […]
Springfield’s Lil’ Tombstone Recognized
Springfield, MO—The business district north of Glenstone and Sunshine, unofficially known as Lil’ Tombstone, has officially been awarded the “Best Themed Business Zone” for 2010. Lil’ Tombstone businesses include Coyote’s Adobe Café, Ben’s Carriage House, Midnight Cowboy, Herradura Mexican Restaurant and The Pony Club. Lil’ Tombstone offers Springfieldians the opportunity to hitch their horse at […]
Missouri Highway To Be Renamed After Other Famous Liar
Jefferson City, MO—Mark McGwire highway could be renamed after another famous Missourian who told tall tales and spun a web of lies to achieve fame and fortune; Mark Twain. “Why do we always got to name a highway after someone who isn’t exactly telling the truth?” pondered one Springfield native as he placed a brown […]
Tanning Tax Talk Tightens, Wrinkles
Springfield, MO—A looming tax may be applied to tanning salons to foot the bill for healthcare reform. Local owners are preparing for the worst by increasing tanning bed fees by 10% to cover the proposed tax, which could take effect this summer. “I used to think that going to tan was boring, but now that […]
Supreme Court Ruling Celebrated By Running Red Lights
Springfield, MO—Erve Hollins, a local resident, celebrated the Missouri Supreme Court’s unanimous decision to strike down use of red light video/still camera enforcement systems by running as many red lights as possible today. The landmark decision forced the City of Springfield to immediately disable all of its traffic law monitoring equipment and invalidates hundreds of […]
March Horoscopes
Fair City News is proud to present monthly horoscopes to help readers navigate life’s hills and valleys. Before taking any medication find out the problem, then treat it accordingly. low cost levitra could very well be just what you are looking for, there are many balding reviews out in cyber space, if you or someone […]
Local Gentlemen’s Club To Raffle Off A Big Ole Hummer
Springfield, MO—Queen City gentlemen’s club patrons are all a titter over the rumor that an establishment is planning to sell chances resulting in one lucky patron taking home a big ole Hummer. Long time pole-dancer aficionado Don Mackerainny told FCN, “This is even better than the all-you-can-eat happy hour idea we was hearin’ about.” He […]
