Local Tax Dollars Continue to Head Out-of-State

Ozarkers wish to pay out-of-state vendors with Zimbabwean Dollars

Springfield, MO—Fortunately, public service leaders, such as the Springfield School District, are making the tough call to outsource much needed local project work to non-Missourians.

“Ozarkers pay a lot of good money in taxes to pay for upgrades in public facilities and we’re here to protect our residents from the incapable architects in this community who seek to gobble up local money on local projects,” said an SPS official as he was headed to an interview with a Nebraska school district after swinging by Omaha architectural firm BCDM.

According to reports, several architects were angered by the decision to hire an out-of-state vendor to handle projects such as Harrison and Westport Elementary renovations. “I guess if we get ridder of our official and ship ‘em to Nebraska to be superintendent, he’ll likely turn around and hire us for improvements to Lincoln, NE projects,” said a local jobless architect.

Indications suggest that the Springfield Convention and Visitors Bureau will also take to favoring the road team to as they hand off their marketing needs to an advertising firm in Florida.

“Unemployment in this area is a serious concern. Fortunately our public funds are available to use as we see fit to help other communities rebuild their economies,” quipped a spokesperson.

Springfieldians are requesting to pay their local tax dollars in the lesser valued Zimbabwean dollar as that country seems to be going through a rough time and “their money is printed on top quality paper, not like a flimsy pulp used to wipe one’s backside.”

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