Branson Landing “Boom Sale” Promotion Backfires

Branson Landing sale spoiled by actual bombers

Branson, MO—Yesterday, several Branson Landing vendors were dealt a cruel hand as they launched their newly themed “Boom Sale” to gain additional sales during the tourist off-season.

“If we’d known that there was going to be some douche bag placing bombs near ATMs we would have never proceeded with the promotion,” said Branson Landing management, “Fortunately, this bomb scare has shed some light on our endeavors and people now know that they can shop for goods in an area of some excitement.”

“I always thought I had to travel to some exotic place to put my life in danger. Y’know some third world country or war-torn city-state. Now, all I have to do to appreciate my precious life is go shopping at a nearby outdoor mall,” said Holly Summers, a resident of Clever, MO.

The  “Boom Sale” was to feature explosive savings on the great deals offered to consumers. However, after a local meth head couple placed a real bomb on the property, most shoppers are avoiding the region and resorting to online purchases.

“I’m not planning to leave my house until 2012 has passed. There are just too many crazy people out there,” said Toby Hollis, a local hermit who hasn’t left his trailer home since the Millennium scare of 2000.

“WTF? I thought we were protected by John Cougar Mellencamp here in the heartland. Who are these dung eaters tying to blow up my little pink house?” pondered James Smith.

According to police reports, brainsick, lunatic, softheads can be found in areas where meth production is at peak production. Local government suggests that all citizens appreciate life day-by-day and report any half-baked jackasses trying to steal an ATM machine to local authorities.

After the bomb was found on the Branson Landing, Missouri officially secured guaranteed street cred with other terror-filled states. The Show-Me State has joined the ranks of other shell-shocked states such as Oklahoma, New York and Montana.

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