2012, Hobos Delay Heer’s Tower Development

Hobo's Tower resident prepares to steal HUD loan applications

Springfield, MO—The Heer’s Tower was dealt another setback this week as developer Kevin McGowan failed to meet a critical deadline risking the possibility that development of the historic building will not occur before the end of the world in 2012.

After several deadline extensions, McGowan’s company, Blue Urban, failed to meet another chance for an $11.8 million federal loan guarantee from The Department of Housing and Urban Development.

Critics claim that McGowen is delaying the project intentionally due to the looming end of the Mayan Calendar and the coming end of the world as it currently exists. Representatives for Blue Urban deny that this is the true motivation yet, several Nostradamus books have been checked to employees from the firm at a Kansas City library.

“I guess if I knew Earth was going to implode in a couple of years I wouldn’t want to put a lot of effort into making an old building beautiful. Talk about wasting your precious time on this world,” said local Springfieldian Louis Fern.

Several hobos, rogues and vagabonds were thrilled to hear that the tower will not soon see development. “The quicker theys start working on Heer’s, the quicker I get kicked outta Hobo’s Tower,” said Red “Goldwing” Docker who sleeps on the second floor of the building and runs the escalators for exercise when not huffing gasoline from a sock.

Transients have long been suspected of mail fraud in the past as pieces of HUD loan applications have been found in the square scattered by the swirling winds and burning in trash barrels. “If the hobos that live in the tower are indeed intercepting the paperwork to thwart the process of development so they can continue to live there, well kudos to their ingenuity,” said Joey Hershey, an out-of-work rickshaw-bike driver.

“Once the electro magnetic field of Earth disintegrates in 2012 and the Sun’s ultraviolet rays are allowed to destroy everything above ground, well then we’ll see who’s got the upper hand,” said Docker as he chased a double-super buzz.

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