Area Mob Boss Hit Hard By Recession

Flattop Tony sings the recession blues

Flattop Tony sings the recession blues

by
Flattop Tony Polumbo

Mom and pop businesses have been hit hard by our country’s recent economic downturn, but what about the world’s first mom and pop business, the Mafia? I know, many of you think that during a crisis, the mob is always there to make some money by scamming the local babbos. You couldn’t be wronger.
The truth is, the money ain’t flowing like it used to. Vigs ain’t as big as they used to be, and I’m skimming less and less off the top because I gotta keep the business afloat. In the past week alone, we’ve had to cut five good enforcers that have families to feed!
Back in the old days, we were rolling in dough as shady union bosses would hire us to whack local politicians who were getting in the way. Nowadays, the money in assassination just ain’t there. The average Joe don’t got no extra scratch to spend on hits and we’ve had to lower our rates. Our Black Friday sale didn’t move as many units as we expected, and now we’re going to go in the hole by the end of this fiscal year.
My crew ain’t what it used to be, and in the end, the city suffers because of it. Without a mob, where would the city be? Springfieldians don’t have an outlet to which they can turn to and purchase a pair of irregular pants off the back of a truck. The discounts the mob offers on important items like booze, mattresses, walkmens, and various other electronic devices help the general public save money.
So, in conclusion, the next time a shady man in a trenchcoat offers you an Olex watch from his jacket, remember that he has a family to support and he needs your help to do so.

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  1. Marleen Nutt says:

    Great post, thanks a lot :)

  2. Dave says:

    Flattop Tony is a crybaby. He has never gotten over the state’s takeover of the numbers business. His runners all had to get jobs selling scratchers tickets at convenience stores. Then his northside prostitution business took a hit when the police arrested his best customers in Grant Beach County Park.