Man Claiming to Have “Moved On” Still Sends Drunk Texts to Ex

Springfield, MO – Kurt Finn, 29, of Nixa woke up on Saturday morning with a headache and these missed texts: WTF?, U left me!, and LOL! YOU ARE SUCH a F*@%!

The night started out like any other Friday evening for Finn, at Trolley’s Grill & Bar in Springfield. He was enjoying some half-price apps with some friends when another girl’s perfume reminded Finn of his ex-girlfriend, Michelle Parkes (of 344 S. Elm in Springfield MO, 65802).

“He just spiraled,” claimed braugham Keith Barlowe. ”One minute we were checking out the scene, buying this tasty little table of ladies some shots in a real classy way, and the next thing I know he’s in his phone dialing a number. Not, looking for it in his contacts. He was dialing it!” Barlowe emphasized his shock by miming the digits being punched out on an invisible phone.

The surprising this is that Finn, who left Parkes a month ago after a “blowout” disagreement about Kansas City Chiefs running back Larry Johnson, had stated adamantly to his friends that he was “totally over her”.

“Seriously,” said Barlowe, “he was done. He kept saying it every time we went out, every time we got ready to go out, every time we were in the cab coming home. The dude was like a broken record. ‘I’m over her, Barlowe.’, ‘I’m so glad I broke up with her, Barlowe.’, ‘The Bengals, Barlowe?!… The Bengals!’”

Finn began texting Parkes at 11:03pm (according to his LG Rumor 2 timestamp). U smell nice. wHat r u doing 2nite? By 11:34pm his texts had deliniated to Who the hell is Don? Don Joaun? (We assume ‘Don Juan’) Ur sucha slut!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! At this point, Parkes was with her uncle Don Parkes who staying with her for the weekend. U don’t need 2 know, Parkes responded and the battle of wits parleyed and parried for the next three hours. The two riddled each others phones with FOADs, BFDs, & ESADs.

For a full list of text abbreviations you can visit http://www.netlingo.com/acronyms.php.

Finn took several asprin and a mutlivitamin. Parkes has changed her number.