Railroad Claims Diesel Spring Natural Miracle

Property owners claim contaminated spring is economic miracle

Springfield, MO—Recent event have forced a spotlight on the amazing diesel spring located on property owned by a local railroad company. Springfield officials are claiming that the DNR or EPA should investigate further, as the City doesn’t wish to accept responsibility for the contamination that runs into the Jordan River that deposits into Table Rock Lake.

A Burlington Northern Santa Fe Railroad spokesperson said, “I don’t know why any citizen would complain about a natural occurrence where usable fuel is bubbling up out of the ground. I mean pull up your big rigs people, fill ‘er up! Move over Texas tea, we’ve got Springfield ‘D’! Get it? The ‘D’ stands for diesel.”

The Director of the Watershed Committee of the Ozarks, says this is certainly not drinking water…a fantastic observation. Federal and Local Government officials will likely be fighting a long and involved process to shift blame and prevent action to find the source and get it cleaned up.

In the meantime, local homeowner Trent Yula said, “if I wanted to live next to a diesel spring, I would have moved to Oklahoma or wherever they have oil springing up out the ground. Now my dog has been drinking from this thing and he urinates a black stinky oil when he’s not sprinting around the yard trying to chase the an unknown rabbit.”

The source of the gaseous substance coming out of the spring will continue to feed the natural health hazard until someone has the balls to clean it up.

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