Auto Magic To Hire Elves for Holidays
FairCityNews.com | Nov 02, 2009 | Comments 0
Springfield, MO—Local automatic car wash company Auto Magic plans to hire a new breed of employee for the holiday season and are reaching out to elves. Elves, a race of divine or semi-divine beings are endowed with magical powers, which they use for the benefit of mankind, said a company official. We feel that our customers deserve an automatic vehicle cleansing provided by the most magical crew assembled, he continued.
Search teams have been scouring the Ozarks looking underground in hills or rocks, or in wells and springs where elves reside. Any elf will be considered provided they have the appropriate work visas and employment eligibility. Several light elves, dark elves, and black elves have already agreed to work from mid-November through January 1st.
“We understand that elves are underrepresented in the workforce. With the economy struggling, people don’t realize the strain elfin communities are facing. Our Auto Magic stores have always had exceptional employees, now we’re looking to add another breed of workers to continue the tradition,” said Auto Magic’s human resources representative.
Elves tend to be more beautiful and wiser than humans, with sharper senses and perceptions. They are also said to be much more gifted in magic auto cleansing and stronger mentally than the normal human employee. Which has raised a few eyebrows in the community.
“These fairies come flyin’ in and takin’ jobs from hardworking Americans,” said Lawrence Ogre, “it isn’t right.” The ACLU has been engaged to protecting the rights of immigrants, refugees, and non-citizens however elves claim to have permanent residence having been on American soil for thousand of years.
“Elves are legally permitted to work in the United States of America just as native American are. Special provisions have been made for the elf population in similar fashion. And we will strive to protect their right to wash and dry automobiles. Considering elves ability to fly and use magic to dry vehicles, they do possess distinct advantages over normal humans that we will fight to protect,” said a local ACLU representative.
Customers are eagerly anticipating the magic this holiday season as several people indicated they would gladly visit Auto Magic more frequently if they did have flying magical elves working the car wash.
Filed Under: Business