Christian County Assessor’s Bad Hair Convicted

Lita Ford look-alike dreams of her guitar

Ozark, MO—Christian County Assessor, Sandra Bryant-Littles, has been convicted for not assessing her own crazy hair-do. Fashion police visited the perp after she was indicted by a federal grand jury for failing to report taxable property.

In a related case, her husband and farm hand are indicted for reporting a false claim of cattle theft. Christian County Prosecuting Attorney Ron Cleek said, “obviously, we have significant evidence to convict Bryant-Littles for having an outdated hairstyle, we do not yet posses enough hard facts to charge her husband Lonnie Littles and his employee, Jesse Rice.”

Christian County resident Rachel Yonkers said, “she looks guilty. Don’t know if she did it or not but that photograph the news sources have been using isn’t doing her any favors.” One man noted, “she looks like Lita Ford and assesses like Nixon”.

In conjunction with the fashion police conviction, Bryant-Littles faces federal mail fraud charges that she failed to assess her own property fairly in 2007 and 2008, omitting vehicles, farm equipment and more than 100 head of cattle on which she would have owed taxes. “It is significant to note that no hair products were reported during that time period either,” said fashion judge Clinton Stacy.

“She’s a follicle felon, plain and simple,” said one fashion boutique owner in downtown Springfield, MO. “Every day she walked out of her home she was committing a fashion crime…its just criminal to think about. If we all take a little time to assess our appearance every morning, crimes like these could be avoided. She was an ‘assessor’ right?”

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