Car Dealer Gets Special 0% APR Government Loan

Springfield, MO—The Missouri Small Business Loan Program has pre-qualified Patterson Auto Group to receive a LOW! LOW! No-interest! NO payments until 2012, Special 0% interest rate, APR for 70 months, pre-owned 2009 loan of $25,000.00*.

Owner Darin Patterson said all he needed to do was to push, pull or drag in his old loan in exchange for the new loan. He says all you need to do is “pick a loan, pick a payment” and you’re off to the bank. “I even got a free hot dog and cola at the big, big, big, loan lot. The big loan lot.”

A combined $250,000 has been awarded to 10 businesses, Gov. Jay Nixon announced Friday adding, “We’re losing our shirt on this deal; these loans won’t be here tomorrow!”

A remainder of $1.75 million is available to help small southwest Missouri businesses weather the economy. The Missouri Department of Economic Development and Missouri Finance Board boys are dealing the program to consumers as of earlier this year and claim loan recipients are not required to buy an extended warranty on the loan to participate. Additionally, they promote their program as a place where “it’s fun to buy a loan”.

Patterson plans to thank Nixon for placing his used-car dealership in the first round of recipients and claims “I can’t wait to get into Nixon’s office—what a place!”. Nixon claims that if you don’t get a loan from him, he can’t save YOU any money. “Now what’s it going to take to get you into this loan today?” asks the Governor. Jefferson City is only 1 minute from Springfield at 3,650 miles per hour†.

*Qualified lenders only. Credit scores based on position of Venus in final stages of super-hyper descent within Orion’s Belt. All offers on specific loans only, no double coupons or factory rebates. Tags, tax, titles, license fees and administrative costs will be expensive.
† Please do not drive this fast. If you can drive this fast, you don’t need a government loan. You could be a bank robber and outrun any police vehicle or enter your fast car in illegal street drag races and win money under the table.

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