10,000 Cigarettes Reward Offered

Marshfield, MO—A reward of free smokes is now offered for help solving an arson fire at an area tobacco shop. The business was set afire last month and so far officials are baffled as to the arsonist, however, a motive has been identified. A note was left at the scene that read “Fire-crotch butt smoke”.

Fire Chief Wilson said, “This is a tough case, I have no idea what that mean. Hey boys smoke ‘em if you’ve got ‘em.”

The ATF has confirmed that the fire started from the pelvic area of the stores’ Cigar Store Indian. “I was watching Cheech and Chong’s ‘Up in Smoke’ and heard this flaming arrow shoot through the window and stick into Woody, our carved Indian statue,” said Hefly Jones, in his tinny, machine enhanced robotic voice, “then the whole place went up like a tinder box. I stopped, dropped and rolled my own arse out the back door.”

The fire caused extensive damage to Jones’ Tobacco Shop in Marshfield last month. A reward of 10,000 cigarettes is being offered for information that will lead to an arrest and conviction.

If you have information about this arson, call one of these two hotline numbers.

1-888-ATF-FIRE
1-800-39-ARSON

The hotline is answered 24 hours a day. Tips remain confidential.

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