Missourians Enjoy Tax Holiday

Springfield, MO—Missourians enjoyed a weekend without sales tax or self-control thanks to the Missouri tax holiday. Malls, shopping center, and retail stores were transformed from a peaceful shopping environments to a chaotic rampage that made the last chapter of Lord of the Flies look like the last chapter of Pride and Prejudice. The masses, drunk on saving 7 cents on the dollar, bought every thing in arms reach.

“I thought it would be nice to check out some of the deals,” stated Grant Williams, a Springfield resident, “but, it was horrible. It was like the bridge scene from I am Legend. I am lucky I got out alive. But, I did get a TV. Awesome.”

The majority of the chaos was seen at women’s clothes department. It was a feeding frenzy liken to sharks after a kill. Many police officers, in full riot gear, were sent to quell the savage rampage.

“It was hell,” said Officer Larson, “It was looking into the fiery pits of hell. We had orders to contain, so we set a parameter. Two of my men got sucked in. I never saw them again. Also they had great sales on ties. Silk ones. Very nice.”
After 24 hours, like the end of the full moon, the madness was over. Most stores show record sales/casualties due to the tax holiday. Most agree it was worth it.

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