Ozarks Emperor Very Much Pleased with His Fair

Springfield, MO- Grand Emperor of the Ozarks, Jo Bob Billius, was very much pleased with the glorious fair placed in his honor. Jo Bob traveled down from his majestic mountain fortress of Moon-Shan’gri-La and was greeted by his numerous subjects. Riding a “mule” (a mythical and wondrous beast combining a donkey and a horse) the Emperor showered his subjects with buck-eyes, walnuts, and Osage oranges.

“It was amazing to see him in person. His sold gold overalls, his gilded corn cob pipe , his glorious feet shining in the sun. He was a sight to behold,” said Randall Gray, a fair attendee.

The Emperor’s entourage was also present. His harem, made up of girls named only Charlene, Misty, and Erma, entranced the crowd with their lively jig. Thirty of the finest jug players filled the air with their haunted, beautiful tones. The Emperor’s honor guard, brandished pitch forks and rode armor-clad swine, making sure no harm would befall him.

The Empire itself has a rich history. The Ozarks Empire was founded in the early 1820′s when the original 12 Hillbilly tribes unified to defeat a very large opossum. In its peak of power the Empire stretched over Southwest Missouri and some of Arkansas. In that time they built numerous out-houses, mastered the walnut bowl, and found 154 uses for a wooden block. Most photographic evidence of the Empire can be seen on post cards in various gift shops.

The Ozarks Empire Fair not only honors the Emperor, but the Empire as a whole. The historic exhibits chronicle major events of the empire: the battle of Silver Dollar, the betrayal of Emperor Cletus Jimson by his coon-dog Gary, and Judd Bobueas’ conversion from moonshine to whiskey.

The Emperor plans to stay two nights at the fair, and will then depart for his annual pilgrimage to Big Rock Candy Mountain.

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