Lawn Mower Racer Arrested for DUI


CARTERVILLE, MO—A slobbering, stinky man has been charged with racing a lawn mower while sipping on grandpa’s cough syrup. Police Chief Howard says Jamie Dennison, 47, was arrested Friday on an overpass of Missouri 171 at Carterville, north of Joplin.

Howard says Dennison, who lives in a trailer near Carterville, has a revoked driver’s license and several outstanding warrants for tractor racing. The chief says his blood-alcohol level was 0.094 percent and he was too intoxicated to test the lawn mower driver’s blood-alcohol level. The legal limit for drivers is .08 percent.

Dennison is charged with misdemeanor driving while intoxicated, driving with a revoked license, driving an off-road vehicle on a highway and pathetic racing of lawn tractors. “Really what else is there to do in Carterville?” exclaimed Dennison who was challenged to a race by some “punk kid”.

Howard said people with revoked licenses or previous drunken driving arrests often think it is okay to operate a lawn mower while drunk but it’s illegal to drive any vehicle on a public thoroughfare while under the influence of alcohol or drugs, much less race them on public streets.

Says Howard, “There’s really not much else to do around here ‘cept drink and race lawn mowers. These people really need to find a new hobby before someone races their tractor off the side of a cliff.”

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  1. Bruce says:

    The United States Lawn Mower Racing Association allows drinking only at the conclusion of racing. No drinking before or during any racing.

    Bruce Kaufman
    President
    U.S. Lawn Mower Racing Association
    letsmow@gmail.com
    http://www.letsmow.com

  2. Anonymous says:

    wow. thats lame.

  3. That is good to know that they do not allow their drivers to drink before races.