No Fear for Fare at Fair

Springfield, MO—Carnies and foodies will unite this weekend at the Ozark Empire Fair after safety inspections clear the way for vendors and their fare. Local fair food enthusiast Gumby Fritzle has volunteered to walk the fair grounds sampling foods throughout the event, and will be dubbed the Public Snacking Officer.

Says Fritzle, “I did this last year in Montana and one person was offering up a cricket cake, which is a funnel cake with insects placed on a stick.” Strange fair foods offered at the Ozarks Empire Fair include deep fried Snickers bar suppositories, corn dog con carnies, and injectable fried cheese served in a syringe.

“Inspections on our cuisine is important,” said Ozark Empire Fair director while an unsupervised ride worker was duct taping together two unsoldered pieces of an attraction behind him.

Annual fair attendee Rosa Jones said, “I’m a people watcher. I sit near the tilt-a-whirl where there is a Pork N’ Mayo tortilla booth. I can’t tell you how many people load up on that crap while waiting in line, then unload it while whirling around. I bring plastic to cover my clothing.”

Most attendees have been known to appreciate the Rise ‘n Swine breakfast booth near the stockyards. Bacon, ham and sausage biscuits are a favorite snack for those catching a glimpse of the hogs in the pig pen.

For those looking for flavors off the beaten path, traveling carnies have been known to share secret or underground fair foods collected around the world at a special event held on an undisclosed day known as Taste a Carnie.

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