Rollergirl’s Splash N’ Bash Fundraiser Turns Violent, Which is Cool
FairCityNews.com | Jul 30, 2009 | Comments 0
Springfield, MO—This coming weekend Springfield Rollergirls will host the annual Splash N’ Bash event on Saturday Aug 15th at 7pm. The Splash N’ Bash is a fundraising event where local automobile drivers can donate money and have their car washed by real Rollergirls. Drivers can also donate money and have a Rollergirl beat them into a slobbering heap.
“I pulled in expecting to pay $2 for a car wash and the girl who took my cash laughed and pulled me out of the car window and tossed me on the concrete,” said a sniveling, bleeding, cheapskate Louis Benefort.
Jeremy Hew also pulled into the parking lot to have his vehicle washed. As he exited his car a member of the was squad screamed “Splash N’ Bash Mother-blaster!” then removed her prosthetic leg and smashed him in the teeth. He was sprayed with water from a hose and then covered in soapy water.
Splash N’ Bash organizers were at once horrified and amused at the brutal fundraiser gone awesome. Volunteer coordinator Vivian Hoosika said, “At first I was scared that people were going to be unsatisfied, then I was enthralled with the absolute beating I was witnessing. The minivan driver was putting up a good fight with Lilly until Lil’ stomped her toe with her skate then jerked the driver’s shirt over her head and cracked her skull hockey style.”
At that moment the Mad Maxines of Lincoln, NE appeared around the corner and began to toss modified mol tov cocktails into Skateport officially desecrating the Springfield Rollergirls home turf. An all out girl-on-girl roller fight broke out in the ensuing aftermath on the parking lot and lasted several hours.
At last count $52 was collected, three cars were set ablaze and eighteen teeth were located on the scene.
Filed Under: Business