Kitty Littered Lawn Not City’s Problem

Springfield, MO—A nice summer’s day turned ugly for one homeowner after a city street sweeper flung a cat’s deceased body onto her lawn. Apparently, the City of Springfield refused to remove the road kill deposited upon the sod as the decomposing mass did not meet the selection criteria for removal by the street cleaning scout team.

“They said they would send a crew to survey the scene in order to determine if they were responsible for carcass removal,” said kitty littered lawn owner Claudi Cosi.

Upon arrival, the City’s survey crew produced a protractor and slide ruler, took several measurements and entered the information into a secret database. “Dang-o, man. That cat done got smashed up. Fortunately, one of dem paws was only partially touching the sidewalk so we immediately left the premises, cause, well, it wasn’t our problem after dat,” said City survey crew member Hal Mitts.

Not all road kill qualify for removal by the City. It has been suggested that the City employs a secret algorithm designed by Google developers that factors in different criteria to establish the probability that the City will actually take the necessary steps for clean up.

“They sent out a survey crew, saw the dead cat. Then decided not to pick it up as it didn’t meet their specs for removal….they were right there standing above it taking measurements of the light absorbed by the fur, testing for bacteria levels and even paused for a water break! Hello? Their street sweeper slung it into my yard and now they won’t take it”, said bewildered homeowner Cosi. “It would have taken thirty seconds for them to shovel in into their truck…”

Cosi was invited to submit a customer satisfaction survey, however, the City said that it would only be reviewed if the survey committee determined that enough criteria were met for customer satisfaction survey review. After that, there would be no guarantee for reconciliation.

Cosi found that the cat when paired with its location and remarkably undesirable characteristics matched well with a removal plan of her own and was last seen kicking the feline into the street mumbling “Google on this will ya?!”

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