Tabuchi’s Toilets Take the Urinal Cake

Branson, MO—It’s a contest to promote cleanliness in public restrooms, but the Shoji Tabuchi luxurious bathrooms feature amenities that would make Bacchus—Greek god of excess—blush.

“The restrooms themselves are a showcase themselves,” said the theater’s Assistant Executive Assistant to the Executive Producer’s Assistant, John’da Leeky confusing herself.

“Everytime I walk in there it’s (gasp) this can’t be! What a waste of effin’ money!” says Jimmy Ilvine of Indiana. “I could take this eagle’s beak sink spigot, sell it on eBay and pay my mortgage for 3 years instead of enjoying this conspicuous defecation.”

“Yeah, talk about pissin’ your money away,” says Alicia Stark of Lee’s Summit, Mo. as she wiped her nose with a 1934 $10 bill pulled from a tissue case stocked with the uncirculated collector’s currency.

“It’s not walking into a restroom, it’s walking into a giant toilet bowl where money is flushed away by the minute,” says Stark.

For the ladies: fresh flowers, crystal chandeliers, and a spritz of perfume made from freshly crushed Faberge eggs by restroom attendant Shirley.

For the men: lionhead sinks, magical wiper blades, iced urinals, and a pool table. Sometimes, the big man stops by for a game himself.

“Mr. Tabuchi likes to come up sometimes and play a game of pool with our guests,” says Leeky.

“Looked to me like he was hitting them balls pretty well – he’s handled a few before,” says Ilvine, who once witnessed a game, “handled a few cue balls, y’know, not my 8-ball, but his own stripes and solids….ah, come to think of it, a shuffle board table would be more appropriate in this particular location.”

If you’ve always heard but never witnessed the old saying “throwing money thrown down the drain” make sure you head down to Branson this weekend and visit this unique Ozarks destination.

If you’d like to vote, check out http://www.BestRestroom.com

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