Empire Adopted Highway Renamed for Rebel Alliance Leader Admiral Ackbar

Springfield, MO—It started in October with a crude but effective public relations move by members of the dark side, officially called the Springfield Unit of the Galactic Empire.

Exercising their First Amendment rights, they succeeded in getting MoDOT to let them erect a sign for their group along West Bypass, between Sunshine and Farm Road 142 in exchange for a promise to clean up the road four times a year.

Now officially recognized as part of the Missouri Adopt-A-Highway program, the anti-Rebel Alliance group has posted a picture of its sign on its Web site. Under the sign are Stormtroopers giving the dark side salute and are holding large “Death Star Lives” signs.

The half-mile section of West Bypass adopted by the Empire will be renamed Admiral Ackbar Memorial Highway, pending Gov. Jay Nixon’s approval of a large transportation bill.

Sith Lord Darth Vader called the renaming “a lame attempt to insult the Empire’s pro-environment/green policies. You don’t know the power of the dark side!”

This renaming was believed to bring about balance to the Force, however, observers are reminded of Admiral Ackbar’s famous declaration “it’s a trap”; a trap that may be difficult to unsnarl. Ackbar’s daughter resents the action and states, “I don’t want Darth Vader and the Emperor’s white hats stomping on a highway named for my father. What will happen if they don’t pick up the litter? The whole thing is disgusting.”

State Rep. Sara Lampe initiated the renaming effort based on a prerecorded hologram message delivered to her via droid. The shaky hologram simply stated, “help us Sara Lampe, you’re our only hope” over and over again.

Vader had a message for lawmakers saying, “Impressive. Most impressive. You have controlled your fear. Now, release your anger. Only your hatred can destroy me.”

The Jedi Church believes that there is one all powerful Force that binds all things in the universe together.

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