Former Governor Plows Over Defenseless Citizen


Springfield police issued a ticket to former Missouri Governor Matt Blunt Monday evening for failing to yield. Police say Blunt was traveling southbound on Kickapoo Avenue when he stopped for a stop sign at Cherry Street. Police say as Blunt pulled into the intersection, a scooter struck his Ford Explorer.

“Wow. That’s not cool. I hope he is okay. Y’know this totally reminds me of my time in office,” said Blunt, “I was powerful, I mean powerful! Like ‘scooter-bounce-off-SUV‘ powerful.”

Investigators say the scooter driver received small cuts on his arm and head, but the injuries were not serious. “Give that man some MO HealthNet Initiative, Senate Bill SB577,” barked Blunt.

The man, who police did not identify, was expected to be treated and released from a local hospital Springfield Police Lt. Kevin Grizzell said. Blunt asked Grizzell if the traffic infringement was covered under the sunshine law, because “I don’t particularly have good luck with that piece of legislation.”

Jody Gibbs, local resident, said, “when the little scooter took out the big SUV, I couldn’t help but think about the little staff lawyer who made all the controversy that derailed Blunt’s re-election.”

Blunt reportedly was not concerned by the damage to his vehicle because he was “hooked up with some sweet contacts at Copart”, an auto salvage company where he is a member of the board. “In fact, former Governor Blunt recommended that I equip my squad care with some ‘wicked’ hydraulics and a ‘tweaked out’ ground effects kit,” said Grizzell.

Just last month, Rep. Roy Blunt (Matt’s father) was involved in an accident in Washington. The congressman accidentally backed his SUV into a Senate Democratic staffer’s car.

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