Andy’s Last Frozen Custard Stand


Springfield, MO—Andy’s Frozen Custard has scrapped plans to build in the sacred lands of Montana’s Black Hills at Little Bighorn. After long planning sessions and months of negotiations the U.S. Department of the Interior pulled the plug on the project late last night.

“The Northern Plains Indians way of life really leaned toward shaved ice in 1876,” said Secretary of the Interior Ken Salazar. “I realize that the National Park Service and Andy’s had made significant progress over the past few months but I’m committed to preserving the land in it’s natural state as the Sioux intended it—Custard-free.”

When the Yum Squad first identified the new location, several customers submitted names for the new location-based menu item including Sitting Brrr, Little BigCone, and Custard Gets A’Lickin’. Andy’s Director of Marketing confirmed that a blend of Yumtonium™ had been delivered to the area in preparation for menu development, however, “the shipment was sold to a scalper and then mutilated” based on the belief that the soul of the frozen treat would be forced to walk the earth for all eternity and could not ascend to heaven where all good treats go once consumed.

“Andy’s makes it fun to be a kid for a while. A while. Then things get jacked up and your world turns to pain if you try to bring that into our sacred lands,” said Crazy Horse descendant Rory Loco-Caballo, “the idea was bad in the first place; Custer and Custard aren’t even spelled the same.”

When reached for comment Andy’s Frozen Custard spokesman Hugh said his company plans to shoot their horses and stack the carcasses to form a wall as a barrier to prevent the onslaught of attacks from the US government. Then he followed up with “doot, doot, dootie-doot, Andy’s!”

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