Man Arrested Collecting Fuel for Time Traveling Auto

JOPLIN, Mo.—A 48-year-old man from Webb City was arrested on charges of stealing restaurant grease. Joplin police said they saw Emmett Lathrop Brown Ph.D on Wednesday morning checking grease tanks at several restaurants and pumping grease out of at least one into a tank on his converted DeLorean.

Police Cpl. Chuck Niess said Brown was confronted at a Fuddruckers restaurant and told the officer he was from the future. “This is heavy,” said Niess. Brown couldn’t provide documentation proving that he worked for the grease removal company and the officer said the restaurant’s disposal tank belonged to a different collection service.

Brown was said to protest the arrest and reportedly said, “We shall proceed as planned, and as soon as we return to 1985, we’ll destroy this infernal machine. Traveling through time has become much too painful. I wish I’d never invented that infernal time machine. It’s caused nothing but disaster.”

Brown was arrested on misdemeanor charges of theft and not carrying a valid driver’s license – his expired 20 years ago. Niess says grease thefts have increased in the past two years, “If you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.”

“Great Scott!,” exclaimed Doc Brown.

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