Tourists Can’t Find ProBass on GPS Unit

Springfield—Two local tourists, Hank Bigrow and Jimmy Flagger, took a special trip from their hometown to visit the granddaddy of outdoor sporting worlds on Tuesday. Problem was they couldn’t find it on their global positioning system they relied upon.

“I’d never been to the area so I wasn’t sure where Pro Bass was located,” said Flagger. “And Hank never was any good with directions so I brought along my TomTom—that I swapped a turntable and two fishing rods for at the pawn shop—to help us navigate,” he continued.

Several visitors to the Ozarks commonly mistake Bass Pro Shops, the huge tourist attraction founded by Johnny L. Morris, since opening in 1981. “That’s twenty-eight years of butchering the name,” says Morris while stuffing another bear to be showcased at the Outdoor World. “This bear will come out of the floor upon our guests arrival on a hydraulic-spring-loaded-pulley system that’ll scare the moths out your closet,” he said laughing hysterically.

Bigrow and Flagger were fortunate enough to drive right by the BPS location at Sunshine and Campbell, despite their repeated attempts to locate ProBass on their portable GPS unit. Jim Hagale, President and COO of Bass Pro Shops said, “These mistakes happen on a regular basis. We’re just glad that Jimmy Bigrow and Hang Flagger made it to visit our family away from their families, who they should bring next time so they can visit our new museum.” Hagale claimed that he did not intentionally mix up the visitors name to make a point.

“I’m just so happy to be here. In the land of all my hunting, fishing and camping needs…I don’t give a damn what you call it, I refer to it as Mecca,” said Bigrow. At that time the clouds parted and a stuffed dove floated down from the sky on 25 pound test fishing line and landed into Bigrow’s outstreatched arms. “Hallelujah!” he proclaimed. Suddenly he was hoisted up into the air on the line and out of sight, never to be seen again.

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