Branson Airport Celebrated With Congestion

Branson—This past weekend thousands of people gathered to celebrate the opening of the new $155 million Branson Airport in highway 76-style: waiting in traffic.

Yes, Saturday hundreds of visitors sat in traffic for hours before even reaching the new facility to enjoy the Branson air show. Branson Mayor, Raeanne Presley, said, “our citizens have a long tradition of waiting in long lines of cars. I always thought everyone drove slowly so they could read each and every billboard posted along the HWY 76, but now I know it is simply an enjoyable rite of passage.”

The Branson air show drew large crowds and required several pilots who were equally impressed by the long lines awaiting them on the runway. Pilots hung their hands out little airplane windows as they slowly made their way down the new Branson airport runway. Most pilots were seen craning their necks to see how long they would have to taxi. The sheer speed and power of the United States Air Force Thunderbirds proved to be no match for a little Branson traffic.

“For the first 45 minutes I was cool waiting on the runway, after that I got real angry, then I lost my mind and was just silly and slap happy…I started signing 99 Bottles Of Beer to the tower in a vampire voice just to see if I could annoy them,” said Thunderbird pilot Hurley Grit.

“It was amazing,” Jody Nutherlyre of Fair Grove said as she watched the six Thunderbirds sit on the runway. “I was absolutely overwhelmed by the snarled jam of aircraft as I watched from my car barricaded on the access road.”

As the million dollar air machines sat lifeless on the tarmac, several thousands of people sat in their vehicles slowly inching closer together. “Our research indicated that we could open a new stream of revenue by lining the landing strip with billboards, t-shirt shacks and taffy stores to accommodate the long lines of airline passengers who will be using our private-funded commercial airport,” said Jeff Bourk, Executive Director, Branson Airport.

Airport officials say these curbside services would add another facet to the “concierge-level” service it provides to customers as they wait.

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