Archive for April, 2009
Storm-crazed Meteorologists Track Weather
Local TV weather personalities lost their effin’ minds over last night’s exciting storms. Like green on a pickle, area weathermen and women were beside themselves with joy as they tracked potential deadly weather racing across the Ozarks. As ominous clouds gathered, KY3 reporters Ron Hearst, Dave Snider and Brandon Beck jumped into the air and […]
Boater Acquires Essential Gear
Kimberling City – Billy Dougal prepared for the coming boating season by purchasing a new strap for his sunglasses, officially securing his shades to his neck. Originally acquired at Kum n’ Go store #224, Dougal justified his impulse purchase as a “little insurance policy” for the fashionable shades he purchased last summer Talking about the […]
90% of Greene County Voters Give Finger to Democracy
Ten percent minority to make decisions for all. Springfield, MO – A good majority of registered voters are expected to ignore Tuesday’s Greene County elections. “Well, we’ve had an increase in the felon population over the past few months,” County Clerk Richard Struckhoff indicated Saturday “and a good majority of registered voters simply don’t give […]
Tyler Hansbrough to lead new NBA team in SEMO
Favorite son returns to hometown with new professional team P.B. Jays. Poplar Bluff, MO – Tyler Hansbrough plans to found a new NBA team after completing his tenure with the University of North Carolina. The Tar Heels power forward says, “the people of Poplar Bluff deserve professional basketball, and I plan to bring it to […]
