All Entries Tagged With: "United States"
MO Legislature Session Is Out!
Missouri Legislators recently wrapped up this year’s lawmaking session in Jefferson City. Last Friday was hectic day in the House as Representatives had to rush into some of this year’s most important issues such as cleaning out lockers, signing yearbooks and saying goodbye to friends. Late Friday afternoon, a big sigh of relief came from […]
Soon to Close Dance Club Opens Today
Springfield—A new dance club opened today on South Street in downtown Springfield and according to the owner, Dan Matthews, he can’t wait to be the next in a long line of Queen City dance clubs to shut their doors quickly. “I am thrilled to follow the path forged by Traffic, Club Intensity, Confetti’s and so […]
GM merges with MGM to form MGMGM
Giants merge based on shared fondness of letters “G” and “M”. Springfield – General Motors Corporation said it completed its $540 million merger with Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer studios today and informed most employees that they have lost union representation but gained another “G” and two “M”s to their company name. Local GMC dealer Thompson Buick Pontiac GMC […]
Buckingham’s “Catch the Swine Fever” Campaign Cancelled Due to Poor Timing
Buckingham’s new print and television campaign titled “Catch the Swine Fever” has been cancelled today due to the outbreak of Swine Flu that is plaguing Mexico, Asia, and parts of the United States. The campaign with the mottos: “Catch The Swine Fever”, “Swine Fever Will Getcha”, “Swine Fever…Catch It”, “Food So Good You Won’t Want […]
Pirates Tie Up at Party Cove
Table Rock Lake—In a surprising turn of events, the Showboat Branson Belle has tied up with local party boats at the popular “party cove”. According to witnesses, the pirates located some wicked dance music and pumped it to the crowds as they idled into the worry-free zone of questionable behavior, meeting no resistance. Seclusion, good […]
Table Rock Lake Piracy?
Lampe, MO—Local officials are issuing warnings to all lake-goers this spring/summer as Somali pirates may have been spotted in the waters of Table Rock Lake. The National Volunteer Coastguard of Somalia, whose operations originated off the coast of Africa, has been suspected of moving operations to the Ozarks. As global awareness rises, security off the […]
Protester Embarrassed At Tea Party
Springfield—Louie Higgs attended a political rally on Tuesday dressed as Mr. T, horribly mistaking the intent of the gathering. Higgs came decked with several gold chains, a fresh mo-hawk, gold rings and a sign that read “I pity the fool who don’t love the USA”. Immediately upon arrival he felt that something was amiss. Higgs […]
Bluegrass Feud Claims Another Victim
Missouri and Kentucky bluegrass performers clash, leading to more violence. Bolivar—Around 8 pm yesterday unknown assailants drove pick-up trucks past Hank “Flash-Fingers” Wallace’s cabin and pelted it, and him, with dead opossums. Hank, known as “Flash-Fingers” due to his fast banjo picking digits, was a notable player in Missouri-style bluegrass—he was a perfect target. He […]
90% of Greene County Voters Give Finger to Democracy
Ten percent minority to make decisions for all. Springfield, MO – A good majority of registered voters are expected to ignore Tuesday’s Greene County elections. “Well, we’ve had an increase in the felon population over the past few months,” County Clerk Richard Struckhoff indicated Saturday “and a good majority of registered voters simply don’t give […]
