All Entries Tagged With: "United States"
Drive-Thru Medicine Now On Value Menu
Branson, MO—Skaggs Regional Medical Center in Branson has scheduled drive-through flu shot clinics beginning Sept. 26. Those seeking medical attention need only drive their car through the medicinal markers, place their order via the two-way speaker and proceed to the first window to pay, then to the second window to receive treatment. “It was really […]
Car Dealer Gets Special 0% APR Government Loan
Springfield, MO—The Missouri Small Business Loan Program has pre-qualified Patterson Auto Group to receive a LOW! LOW! No-interest! NO payments until 2012, Special 0% interest rate, APR for 70 months, pre-owned 2009 loan of $25,000.00*. Owner Darin Patterson said all he needed to do was to push, pull or drag in his old loan in […]
Economy Gives the “Q” New Events
Springfield, MO— The “Q” arena will be hosting job fairs, breadlines and unemployment registrations in August and September of this year to fill the entertainment void at the facility. The new $67 million cathedral capable of attracting thousands of people isn’t getting the entertainment events like developers first anticipated so the state is stepping in […]
Crosslines Offers Mohawks for Middle Schoolers
Springfield, MO—The back-to-school event, “Mohawks for Middle Schoolers”, kicks into its 11th annual celebration today. Greene County children who will or currently attend a middle school are eligible to receive the hairstyle. Several dozen stylists will contribute their time and services to provide the mainstream fashion hairstyle free of charge. “The Mohawk is often dyed […]
McCaskill To Be Burned At The Stake
Springfield MO- Claire McCaskill, a Democratic senator representing Missouri, is set to be burned at the stake in her next scheduled town hall meeting. The town hall meeting will be held at Missouri State University in Strong Hall room 100 and all are welcomed to attend. After initial questioning, mostly focusing on President Obama‘s health […]
Original Spring Field Lost, Not Located
Springfield, MO—The spring that fed the field that Springfield was named after hasn’t been seen in several decades. In fact, most area town names now only have a vague symbolic relationship to the geographic area that once featured prominent landmarks. Springfield History Museum Executive Director said, “there’s no ‘spring’ or ‘field’ in Springfield much like […]
Bailiff Busted: Removes Self From Courtroom
Bentonville, AR—Three-and-a-half months since her first arrest, a county bailiff was taken into custody again on Sunday effectively removing her from her former position within the court system. Reportedly, 35-year-old Roz Russell was driving recklessly at around 3:00 a.m. She was pulled over a by a deputy and then refused to submit to an intoxication […]
Ozarks Emperor Very Much Pleased with His Fair
Springfield, MO- Grand Emperor of the Ozarks, Jo Bob Billius, was very much pleased with the glorious fair placed in his honor. Jo Bob traveled down from his majestic mountain fortress of Moon-Shan’gri-La and was greeted by his numerous subjects. Riding a “mule” (a mythical and wondrous beast combining a donkey and a horse) the […]
Local Conservative Can’t Believe He Has Twitter Writer’s Block on Beer Summit
Ozark, MO—On Tuesday afternoon, President Obama, Henry Gates, and the police officer who arrested Mr. Gates sat down at the White House for the so called “Beer Summit.” The event, which was intended to help quell tensions over the arrest and alleged racial prejudices, also created a massive spike in conservative blog and Twitter postings. […]
Residents Urged Not to Handle Fire, etc.
Strafford, MO—Health officials are warning people not to handle fire, broken glass, hazardous material, dirty needles, poison or unknown chemicals after “pretty dancing lights” burned two Strafford area residents when they tried to grasp the illumination, otherwise known as “flames from a fire” last week. The Springfield-Greene County Health Department would like to remind area […]
Thankfully, Business and Tourism Protected at Lake of the Ozarks
OSAGE BEACH, MO—A state agency acknowledges it withheld a report for four weeks that showed the Lake of the Ozarks had E. coli above safe levels. Fortunately, The Missouri Department of Natural Resources withheld the report around Memorial Day due to concern that the release would hurt tourism and businesses around the lake. “Thankfully, the […]
Hammons Tower Again Voted Springfield’s Tallest Building
The results of the annual “Best of 417” poll are in, and once again, residents have voted Hammons Tower the area’s tallest building. The 270-foot structure, which dwarfs the other greenhouses and barns nearby, won easily in its category. Tower namesake John Q. Hammons could not be reached for comment and is not expected to […]
Dude Freaks Out Neighbors with Firework Obsession
Greene County, MO—Blowing up bits of China one cracker at a time is Randy Closter’s favorite American pastime. He savors this time of the year like no other and keeps plenty of M80s on hand during the celebration season. This time of the year is held special by many people, however, Closter has a special […]
Land Grab at Battlefield Fireworks Celebration
Springfield, MO—Local Springfield and Nixa residents plan to attend the Battlefield, Missouri’s firework celebration this year completely crashing the party. Springfield’s Firefall, the annual firework celebration, was cancelled after the City cut its contribution to the Springfield-Greene County Parks Department because of a decline in sales tax revenue. Now, Nixa also won’t have its annual […]
Two Trains Equation Solved In Sleeper, MO
Sleeper, MO—Two trains collided on the main BNSF line between Springfield and St. Louis last Monday morning answering the 7th grade algebra question: Where will two trains meet if train A leaves Springfield traveling at 35 mph and train B leaves St. Louis traveling at 45 mph? In Sleeper, Missouri just north of Lebanon. Three […]
