All Entries Tagged With: "United States"
Swing Right Golf Adds Water Hazard
Springfield, MO—Local driving range and miniature golf course business, Swing Right Golf, added a new water hazard last week. Water hazards, like bunkers, are natural obstacles designed to add both beauty and difficulty to a golf course. Swing Right Golf owners reportedly wanted to increase the profile of the practice course by situating a natural […]
Doctor Collects Lightning for Experiments at Shrine Mosque
Springfield, MO—Local physician Dr. Fran Kenstine has located his new practice in the basement of the Shrine Mosque and has yet to announce formal office hours or accept any patients. In fact, no one has been seen coming or going from the clinic since it opened earlier this month. “I think he must be working […]
Abercrombie & Fitch Markets Reality In the Ozarks
Springfield, MO—After numerous years of scantily dressing store models, clothing retailer Abercrombie & Fitch is taking a new approach to merchandising with a dose of reality. This fall, the Battlefield Mall location will be one of a handful of selected stores to participate in a pilot promotion program to fully dress each reality model within […]
Nixa Beckons the Internet Fairy
Nixa, MO—The City of Nixa hopes to get commercial high-grade internet service by installing internet fiber lines provided by the internet fairy. Currently, all members of the city council have written letters to the internet fairy asking for the speedy gift of transmitting large files, super-fast emails and quick screen load times. This idea started […]
Line of Disappointed Public Transit Seekers at Trolley’s
Springfield, MO—Occasionally long lines of commuters seeking a ride through the city will form outside Trolley’s, a popular downtown Springfield restaurant. Last weekend more than 35 people assembled waiting to purchase a seat on Springfield’s Trolley. “The sign says ‘Trolley’s’ so there better be a dang ol’ electric powered car to haul my butt around,” […]
One Arrest During 700-Person Brawl
Springfield, MO—It took nearly 50 police officers to settle a brawl involving hundreds of people in downtown Springfield this past weekend leading to one arrest and one pissed police chief. According to the Springfield Police Department the incident began at about 12:45 a.m. with a fight among a large group of people inside Remmingtons Downtown. […]
SGF Industrial Park Featured On New Quarter
JEFFERSON CITY, MO—Springfield, Missouri’s Partnership Industrial Center park will be featured on a quarter. The manufacturing park surrounding the 21 companies located on 360 acres of master-planned industrial park grounds will appear on quarters in 2017. It’s part of the U.S. Mint’s America the Beautiful quarters program that will feature 56 sites in all 50 […]
G-Team Van Spotted in Springfield
Springfield, MO—Protecting the innocent and shielding others from danger is the job of the G-Team. Fashioned after the original cast of military misfits that formed the A-Team—made popular by the 80’s television action show—the G-Team provides protection for Springfieldians but removed a few times from the original soldiers of fortune. “They’re the G-Team because they’re […]
Heer’s and Gillioz Buildings Sent to Remedial Spelling Classes
Springfield, MO—“It’s time we did something about it,” says Springfield Mayor Jim O’Neal. “We can’t continue to have these two institutions of Springfield telling children that you can get by without an education.” Beginning October 14th the Heer’s Building and Gillioz Theatre will attend Remedial Spelling and Society at nearby Bryan College. The six-week course […]
Missouri Economic Development Director Now Jobless
Jefferson City, MO— Linda Martinez has been laid off as Missouri‘s economic development director after only eight months on the job. She decided to lay herself off due to economic pressures and in an effort to reduce overhead on the Show-Me State. Martinez, the first woman to hold the position, told Governor Jay Nixon that […]
Riverside Inn to Reopen at Side of River
Ozark, MO—Riverside Inn, a staple of Ozark history known for Mary Ellen Marley’s fried chicken recipe and Finley River location, will soon be torn down and relocated to another river side location. Federal Emergency Management Agency granted Christian County a $1.17 million flood mitigation grant to buy — and demolish — the 86-year-old restaurant. “$1.17 […]
Prehistoric Monument Found at Interchange
Springfield, MO— A prehistoric monument was uncovered in southern Greene County today at the U.S. 65-U.S. 60 interchange and dubbed “Springhenge”. The iconic stone monument is composed of earthworks lined in a setting of large standing stones and sits at the centre of the densest complex of Ozarkian and Springfieldian forests in Missouri, including several […]
Obama Speech Warps Kids’ Minds to Think Independently
Springfield, MO—After hearing President Obama’s speech today, Ozarks children’s minds were warped to the point of thinking independently. The speech has caused a buzz around the area as some parents said they worried that the president is seeking to deliver a political message to young people so that their brainwashing efforts might be thwarted. Local […]
MSU Receives Geek Grant for $248,000 Microscope
Springfield, MO—Biology, physics and chemistry geeks at Missouri State University “flipped their collective shiz-nit” upon learning they received a grant from the National Science Foundation to pay for a $248,350 microscope. Purchase of a state-of-the-art confocal microscopy system will occur during the fall semester. Upon hearing the news, MSU President Michael T. Nietzel said, “we […]
Hobby Lobby Robbery: A Crime in Rhyme
Springfield, MO—Police have issued the following prose in order to catch the thief that Hobby Lobby does oppose. According to police, the Hobby Lobby on Kearney Street was blindsided by a woman, a cheat. She was spotted emptying her purse in the trunk of her car, then entered the store—step one for the burglar. After […]
