All Entries Tagged With: "United States"
Local Gentlemen’s Club To Raffle Off A Big Ole Hummer
Springfield, MO—Queen City gentlemen’s club patrons are all a titter over the rumor that an establishment is planning to sell chances resulting in one lucky patron taking home a big ole Hummer. Long time pole-dancer aficionado Don Mackerainny told FCN, “This is even better than the all-you-can-eat happy hour idea we was hearin’ about.” He […]
Obama Beer Summit for O’Neal, Hornaday
Springfield, MO— In an attempt to calm city tensions, President Obama has invited Mayor Jim O’Neal and retiree Jim Hornaday to a beer summit held at the Springfield Brewing Company. A local debate on city spending occurred after O’Neal and Hornaday exchanged heated emails. Hornady inquired how “our new Mayor would…steam out the wrinkles” in […]
Local Tax Dollars Continue to Head Out-of-State
Springfield, MO—Fortunately, public service leaders, such as the Springfield School District, are making the tough call to outsource much needed local project work to non-Missourians. “Ozarkers pay a lot of good money in taxes to pay for upgrades in public facilities and we’re here to protect our residents from the incapable architects in this community […]
Branson Landing “Boom Sale” Promotion Backfires
Branson, MO—Yesterday, several Branson Landing vendors were dealt a cruel hand as they launched their newly themed “Boom Sale” to gain additional sales during the tourist off-season. “If we’d known that there was going to be some douche bag placing bombs near ATMs we would have never proceeded with the promotion,” said Branson Landing management, […]
Unknown Energy Sphere Seen Over Springfield
Springfield, MO—Local residents were alarmed yesterday by the presence of a large gaseous sphere hovering over the Ozarks’ skies yesterday. Many Springfieldians reported temporary blindness and momentary confusion while glancing at the heavens. “This is a land of gloom, clouds and semidarkness. We’re not supposed to have exposure to this kind of thing…this sunshine. We […]
Interview with the Joker
The Joker has signed on as Spooksfield.com corporate sponsor to promote the new book 2012:The Paranormal Cookbook set to release today at “The Best of the Ozarks” store on Chestnut Expressway. He agreed to a quick answer/question session preceding the release. FCN: What elements of the book attracted you to become the official sponsor for […]
2012, Hobos Delay Heer’s Tower Development
Springfield, MO—The Heer’s Tower was dealt another setback this week as developer Kevin McGowan failed to meet a critical deadline risking the possibility that development of the historic building will not occur before the end of the world in 2012. After several deadline extensions, McGowan’s company, Blue Urban, failed to meet another chance for an […]
HGTV Host Applauds Lawrence County Pink Jail Motif
Mt. Vernon, MO—With great fanfare, HGTV’s Color Splash mega-star and host David Bromstad, has singled out the recently remodeled Lawrence County Missouri jail’s all pink theme as “….bold, daring, and just a bit little naughty.” The idea of going all pink was the brainchild of Sheriff Brad Delay who cited hard data suggesting “…pink has […]
Jerichoholics Anonymous Meeting This Sunday
Springfield, MO – This past December, local talk radio station KSGF fired beloved morning show host, Vincent David Jericho. Fans of the local celebrity have come together in this difficult time to form Jerichoholics Anonymous. Their first meeting will be this Sunday. “Vincent David Jericho was a hero in this community! He was a true […]
Groundhog Day Celebrated via Rotisserie
Springfield, MO—Thousands of Ozarkers will celebrate Groundhog Day by feasting upon the weather-predicting varmint. Chewy yet nutritious, the humble groundhog has been feeding families in the area for decades. “Used to be we have to go out hunting for the animal, now-a-days we can find them along a side of the road or hiding under […]
Wednesday Weather Chart = Trippy Forecast
Springfield, MO—A local newsman blew several viewers minds by showing a radar screen filled with psychedelic images symbolizing Wednesday’s weather patterns. Cries of “whoa”, “maaaaan” and “dude” were heard in living rooms across the Ozarks. One viewer, Moonbeam Johnston said, “I saw like a beautiful unicorn soar across the sky during the weather report and […]
O’Neal’s Springfield Cage Match To Raise City Funds
Springfield, MO—In light of the recent economic downturn that the entire nation is enduring, Springfield Mayor Jim O’Neal has come up with a unique way to boost both the morale and coffers of the Queen City. In a bold and unprecedented departure from “politics as usual” Mayor O’Neal has publicly called out the mayors of […]
MLK Celebrated with 24-Hour Sale!
Springfield, MO—January 18th marks a day of social awareness, great sacrifice and fantastic deals now through closing at local retail stores. On this day people of all ages and backgrounds will come together to improve lives by spending less on goods they likely don’t need but would purchase at full retail prices any other time […]
Tournament of Champions Produces 7 Losers
Springfield, MO—Moral victories will be handed out this weekend at The Tournament of Champions as eight elite basketball teams battle it out to produce seven eventual short comers and one true champion. TOC execs confessed that “Tournament of Champions” tends to have a more positive spin and sells more tickets than the more accurate named […]
Auditions For Reality Show Coming to Dade County
Greenfield, MO—Bravo TV has announced plans for a new reality series to be filmed in the Ozarks. Auditions for “The Real Housewives of Dade County” will be held on January 22 at the Opera House in Greenfield. According to a spokesman, Bravo TV was drawn towards Dade County as a way to grow the “Real […]
