All Entries Tagged With: "Technology"
Willard Schools Give Laptops to All Students; Next Goal – Robo-Teacher
Willard, MO- With Willard’s “Every Kid Connected” initiative every student will receive an internet connected device (either laptop or tablet), but Willard will not stop there: Robo-Teachers will be the final goal. “We are all about technology here at Willard,” said Ian Giga-hurts, the Grand Tech Master of Willard, upon his metal spider-shaped throne, “Every […]
Rountree Neighborhood Welcomes New Noises, Dangers
Springfield, MO – Based on feedback from a recent neighborhood association meeting, homeowners have unanimously approved the addition of several noisy and dangerous neighborhood garnishes. An outdoor concert venue, nightly fireworks displays, a shooting range, one quarter mile NHRA dragster track, and a new space shuttle launch pad will all be added by the end […]
2012 Cox Sucker Days Announced
Nixa, MO—The Nixa Sucker Days committee is proud to announce it has a new title sponsor this year, Cox Health. The event, now known as Cox Sucker Days, will be held in Nixa as scheduled this year, with a few changes. Ted Crass, chairman of the event said, “We’re proud to welcome Cox Health […]
Apple Posts 2010 Profits Due To One Local Fanboy
Springfield, MO-Apple, the maker of the popular iPhone, iPad, Macintosh computers, and countless other technological gadgets posted a profit of 16 billion dollars for the year, 2010. “We’re excited about the numbers for the past year,” said Apple CEO Steve Jobs. “It was a record year for the company and we would first and foremost […]
Riverside Bridge To Be Stored At Heer’s Building Temporarily
Ozark, MO – In light of the recent troubles that have befallen the beloved and beleaguered Riverside Bridge of Christian County, local politicians have devised a seemingly foolproof solution: they intend to store the bridge in the Heer’s Building in downtown Springfield until all of the legal issues can be hammered out. “Really, if you […]
Southwest 3 On Its Way
Springfield MO – City officials announced today that the new City Utilities Southwest 2 power plant is such a big hit with the public, that plans for a new Southwest 3 power plant will soon be on its way. “After Southwest 2 was completed, I met with construction and union people and we all agreed […]
Giant Motionless Robot Attacks!
Springfield, MO—At twenty minutes before eight, central time, Professor Farrell of the Missouri State University Observatory, reported observing several explosions of incandescent gas, occurring at regular intervals on the planet Mars. Moments later a large, mostly immobile Martian robot was seen hovering over Jordan Valley Park. The expressionless metallic invader stuck fear into nearby park […]
Feminine-Voiced Man Fed Up
Springfield, MO – Cursed with a voice that is slightly high pitched Springfield resident, Miles Prower, is taking drastic measures to cure the curse of his womanly voice. Prower told Fair City News “I have to make phone calls for my job and I’m just sick and tired of people calling me ‘ma’am.’” (Editor’s Note: […]
Evangel Guards Go Beyond God’s Armor
Springfield, MO— Evangel is the first university in the Ozarks to add lethal weaponry to their arsenal of first line defenders. For years the university had relied upon pieces of God’s Armor for protection, however, now the security officers are allowed to pack man-made heat. The University first bestowed crime-fighting technology upon its protection force […]
Jefferson Avenue Footbridge Not Actually Shaped like a Foot
Springfield, MO – For years the name of “The Jefferson Avenue Footbridge” has been a source of classroom debates, heated dinner conversation and late-night radio station call-ins. FCN has attempted to bridge the gap between the name of the bridge and the reason for the name of the bridge. Many have speculated the bridge was […]
Lamar Uses Magic Beans to Form Billboard Messages
Springfield, MO—A local outdoor advertising company has engineered a breakthrough technology in billboard advertising: magic beans. Lamar Advertising Company has acquired the rights and patented the process for planting the mysterious seeds under an existing structure, which then produce an advertising message. “The outdoor advertising industry has been investigating new technologies for some time now. […]
Unknown Energy Sphere Seen Over Springfield
Springfield, MO—Local residents were alarmed yesterday by the presence of a large gaseous sphere hovering over the Ozarks’ skies yesterday. Many Springfieldians reported temporary blindness and momentary confusion while glancing at the heavens. “This is a land of gloom, clouds and semidarkness. We’re not supposed to have exposure to this kind of thing…this sunshine. We […]
