All Entries Tagged With: "recreation"
Dickens Cider Comes To Friday Farmer’s Market
Springfield, MO—Rumor has it that the Friday Farmer’s Market in downtown Springfield is about to get bigger and tastier with addition of a legendary local favorite — Dickens Cider. The Dickens Cider family recipe has been handed down for generations and has recently gained popularity with locals for its apparent health benefit. Speaking on condition […]
Local Post Office Tests Stamps for E-mail
Nixa, MO—In the wake of the recent projected financial loss of more than 7 billion, the United States Post Office has been searching avidly for new sources of revenue or cost cutting methods, and they just might have found one: stamps for your e-mail. “We had heard that there was a way to transmit letters […]
Tindle Mills Demolition Smells Familiar
Springfield, MO—A local dog food factory’s destruction is releasing a nasty fragrance not experienced since the operation was producing smelly dog food. Tindle Mills was known regionally for emitting a foul sulfur odor while in production, a smell now revived by the buildings’ demise. “Once we started tearing down that tower it released a gaseous […]
Sock Monkey Stinks Up Award Show
By Snawt T. Buble Springfield, MO—With noticeably heightened security, Monday evening’s nearly perfect Blogaroni award ceremony was marred when a local sock monkey, Silly Willy, staged a silent protest to call attention to the “total disregard shown all imaginary blog writers” at this year’s event. Willy, a well known downtown sock monkey and suspected blogger, […]
Bottle Rocket War in Nixa This Year!
Nixa, MO—Monday night, the Nixa Board of Alderman unanimously voted for an awesome bottle rocket war in their city. Venders are allowed to continue to sell the small sky rockets guided by the mouth of a bottle. Usually considered a unique hazard, due to their ability to fly in many different directions other than vertically, […]
Depends Offered at Branson Zipline
Branson, MO—Zipping thru the trees on a zipline has a new benefit this month: free adult diapers to the first 200 customers. According to sources at Branson Zipline and Canopy Tours, every person whizzing through the air, hundreds of feet above the ground will be given a free pair of Depend Adult Diapers. “Our customers […]
Local Gentlemen’s Club To Raffle Off A Big Ole Hummer
Springfield, MO—Queen City gentlemen’s club patrons are all a titter over the rumor that an establishment is planning to sell chances resulting in one lucky patron taking home a big ole Hummer. Long time pole-dancer aficionado Don Mackerainny told FCN, “This is even better than the all-you-can-eat happy hour idea we was hearin’ about.” He […]
Obama Beer Summit for O’Neal, Hornaday
Springfield, MO— In an attempt to calm city tensions, President Obama has invited Mayor Jim O’Neal and retiree Jim Hornaday to a beer summit held at the Springfield Brewing Company. A local debate on city spending occurred after O’Neal and Hornaday exchanged heated emails. Hornady inquired how “our new Mayor would…steam out the wrinkles” in […]
Local Bums Ride Train Posing As Santa
Branson, MO— The Branson Scenic Railway’s Polar Express has become overrun with hobos and train jumpers claiming to be Saint Nick. Unsavory transients have flocked to the inaugural officially licensed train ride event near the Branson Landing due to the ease of hitching a ride. “Sure we just go ‘round and come back, but it […]
Springfield Road Work Everywhere
Springfield, MO—Roadwork across the Ozarks has caused delays at every turn as money is poured into highways, interchanges, traffic signals, lane widening, resurfacing, and pavement sealing. Currently route 60/65 is undergoing replacement of bridges, construction of new bridges and two “flyover” ramps. I-44/Glenstone Avenue is undergoing bridge replacement, ramps rebuilding, and insertion of added traffic […]
Nixa Hellhound Tracked to Camp Winoka
Springfield, MO—Paul the Nixa Hellhound has been seen bathing in the springs at Winoka Lodge, better known as Camp Winoka. The camp has been closed after rumors spread that several girl scouts were brutally murdered, however, conspiracy theorists claim the story was fabricated to protect the Nixa Hellhound habitat after it claimed the area as […]
Villages at Wicklow Welcome Madmartigan
Nixa, MO—According to his agent, the boastful mercenary swordsman Madmartigan, has purchased a house in the Nixa community known as the Villages at Wicklow. Madmartigan plans to move into the new home with his wife Sorsha and adopted daughter Elora before years’ end. The Ozarks have been home to several famous people, however this is […]
Hobby Lobby Robbery: A Crime in Rhyme
Springfield, MO—Police have issued the following prose in order to catch the thief that Hobby Lobby does oppose. According to police, the Hobby Lobby on Kearney Street was blindsided by a woman, a cheat. She was spotted emptying her purse in the trunk of her car, then entered the store—step one for the burglar. After […]
Rollergirl’s Splash N’ Bash Fundraiser Turns Violent, Which is Cool
Springfield, MO—This coming weekend Springfield Rollergirls will host the annual Splash N’ Bash event on Saturday Aug 15th at 7pm. The Splash N’ Bash is a fundraising event where local automobile drivers can donate money and have their car washed by real Rollergirls. Drivers can also donate money and have a Rollergirl beat them into […]
Couple Asked to Light Heads on Fire After Transporting Teens in Trunk
Lebanon, MO—Two people from Lebanon have been asked to light their heads on fire after police say they tried to drive home with three kids stuffed in a car trunk. Investigators say Cindy Feltner, 21, and Dustin McDonald, 18, were dumb enough to make a terrible mistake once, so they are likely to do it […]
