All Entries Tagged With: "parody"
Man Drives MLK Bridge Over and Over for MLK Day
Springfield, MO – Local man Norm Hugefston decided to celebrate Martin Luther King Day by driving continuously over the Martin Luther King bridge for 8 hours. His trek was sponsored by several friends and neighbors and he raised at least $380.00 to contribute to the local chapter of the NCAAP. “I was wanting to do […]
Residents Mourn Inevitable Closing of Newly Opened Store
Springfield, MO – Downtown Springfield shoppers got a treat this Monday when “Munch ‘n Muse” treated customers to free peach vegemite cupcakes during their grand opening celebration. The store, which sells designer cupcakes, indigenous Australian artifacts, and locally produced art and figurines, will cater to downtown shoppers looking for a creative gift or snack- until […]
Man Lost for Days Inside Battlefield Mall
Springfield, MO – Jerry Strafford spend the better part of a week trying to find his way out of the Battlefield Mall located in Springfield, MO. Strafford’s wife reported him missing after he went for a drink of water during a shopping spree to find him a new pair of jeans. The labyrinth of straight […]
No Pants Elevator Ride at Hammons Tower Today
Springfield, MO – The annual “no-pants elevator” event at Hammons Tower is scheduled to take place today to align with the NYC No Pants Subway ride coordinated by Improv Everywhere. The Ozarks do not have a subway system so the elevator ride up to the top of a large building is the best big city […]
Infamous Dave’s to Open Next to Famous Dave’s
Springfield, MO – infamous Dave’s is a chain of northern-style barbecue restaurants serving pork ribs, chicken and beef brisket. They have recently secured the location next door to Famous Dave’s a southern-style bbq joint. Infamous Dave’s prides itself on having an extremely bad reputation, horrible customer service and being detestable in general. Reaction is mixed […]
CU Water Tower Located Underground Thanks to God Particle
Springfield, MO – The board of public utilities voted to secure an underground location to house a new water tower. The new tower will be housed 3 miles underground northeast of Highland Springs Country Club near Farm Road 189 and U.S. 60. The board appeased objections to residents living both sides of U.S. 65 near […]
Nixa Wookiee Sighted near Supercenter
Nixa, MO – Nixa shoppers received a shock Monday evening when several individuals reported a sighting of the legendary Nixa Wookiee in and around the Local Walmart Supercenter. Although the Nixa Wookiee has long enjoyed a position of prominence in local folklore, this is the first time in recent memory a sighting of the creature […]
Tis the Season…but glad it is over!!
It is official; the holidays bring out the worst in us. It used to be a time where folks would greet each other on the street and share good tidings…now, you get in the way, and someone gives you a shot of pepper spray. So, this is who we have become. I suppose nothing has […]
Salvation Army Invades Iowa to Secure Funding
Springfield, MO – Citing a lack of donations, the local chapter of the Salvation Army has invaded Iowa to make up a 20% difference in fundraising this year. Red Kettle Special Forces landed on the ground a few days ago to secure additional funding for the agency. “Mission Bell Ringer is an attempt to bring […]
Real Bears Adopt Street
Springfield, MO – Local bears have adopted a street to clean and keep tidy in Southeast Springfield near Luster and Cragmont. According to the bears, they are hoping to raise awareness to their plight as an indigenous species in the Ozarks. City officials claim that the bears filed the necessary paperwork for street adoption and […]
Marionville Enacts Strictest K9 Alt. Ban by Mistake
Marionville, MO – Due to a typo, local officials have passed the strictest canine alternative bans in the state of Missouri. The laws were aimed at K2, a synthetic marijuana substitute, however the legal clerk typing up the copy mistakenly substituted a “9” for a “2”, thereby restricting the possession or sale of any animal […]
MSU Band Apologizes for Playing MMMBop
Springfield, MO – MSU Pride Band issued an apology stating that they used poor judgment when they played “MMMBop” downtown on the square this month. “MMMBop” is a song written and performed by the American pop rock band Hanson and is quite offensive to anyone who has ever listened to music. “Frankly, I’d rather hear […]
SOLO to Open Huge Frozen Yogurt Company
Springfield, MO – Peachwave, Fro Yo, Orange Leaf, Andy’s, and other frozen dessert companies, this is your warning: Solo Cup has announced that they will soon be serving the largest frozen yogurt in the Ozarks. Solo Cup, a plant that has been dormant for several years, has recently made plans to serve the creamy goodness […]
Holiday Traffic Drives Man Crazy
Springfield, MO – Lewis Hankerton attempted to drive 2 miles south of his home on Thursday to pick up trash bags and dishwasher detergent “real quick” only to be greeted with the snarling entrapment known only as Holiday Traffic. Hankerton quickly escaped his driveway and was making great time down his neighborhood side streets. Wide […]
Greene-Beckham in MOSHOF Class of 2012
Springfield, MO – In a surprise announcement Dorieal Green-Beckham has been added to the Missouri Sports Hall of Fame induction class of 2012. Panel members responsible for deciding the final candidates said, “Crap, we totally forgot about him.” Sources report that the MSHOF election committee was “focusing on older athletes, y’know those who have spent […]
